Is a Cyber Relationship Cheating?

On LuvemOrLeavem we often have dilemmas where the votes and comments very clearly fall into the Luvem camp or the Leavem camp.  When the votes hover at over 90% for Luv or Leave it is clear that visitors are very united on which action the writer of the dilemma should take.  Of course we have some dilemmas where voters are nearly evenly split and the comments are lively with strong sentiments on each side.  One topic that often has our voters split down the middle is the issue of cyber or internet relationships.

Cyber Sex

When we think of internet relationships interfering with our romantic relationships, the first thing that comes to mind is cyber sex.  These sexy chats can take the form of free chatrooms or paid services and as the name implies, the purpose is to give and receive very intimate and arousing details during these “chats.”  Not surprisingly, the person doing the chatting usually claims that cyber sex is not cheating, while the partner of the “chatter” often feels that it is a form of cheating.

Many of the women that comment on these cyber sex dilemmas agree that this is a form of cheating, but there is also the group that firmly believes that this is a harmless way to put some “spice” into a long term relationship.  We also see arguments that a man will be less likely to physically cheat if he gets this extra cyber excitement on the side.  Of course the counter argument is that these men will be more likely to cheat because this is step one on a path to being stimulated sexually outside the relationship.

Internet “Friendships”

For cyber sex relationships even those that think that they’re harmless will usually acknowledge that they can understand how they could be viewed as cheating.  The situation becomes more complicated when the internet relationship does not invove sexual details but is more of a friendly chat with a member of the opposite sex.  Actually, many women are more threatened by these relationships than they are by the cyber sex type.

I can understand this, because there are often details that are shared that could enhance their real life relationship if they would put enough faith in their partner to share these details with them.  A common theme of these relationships is that people are sharing details about themselves that they believe they can’t tell their partner either because their partner won’t understand or flat out won’t care.  People in this situation need to share these things with their partner and whether this results in their relationship becoming closer or falling apart, at least they have been honest.

The big question to ask yourself?–Does you partner know about this relationship? When you’re sneaking around having a cyber relationship behind your partner’s back then it is cheating whether it is cyber sex or an internet friendship.  If you’re hiding it, then you either believe in your heart that it is not harmless or you know that it is something that your partner would find objectionable.  Either way, once lying and dishonesty surface in a relationship, it is the start of a downward spiral.

Of course there are those couples where the other person may know all the details of the internet relationship and not mind, but I would still caution against any relationship that takes time away from you and your partner.  Most of us feel that we don’t have enough time with our loved ones as it is, so why split that time ever more?  Plus, if both of you are open to wanting to add some spice to your relationship, I’m sure you can find some way that is more romantic and doesn’t involve the internet.

***Special Note- Video Blog Series***

Here are the video replies to this question from yours truly plus some fabulous relationship bloggers from across the web.  Enjoy!

• LuvemOrLeavem- Is an Internet Relationship Cheating?
• Planet Abiola- Is Cyber Sex Cheating?
• NoRicksAllowed- Internet Relationship-Is it Cheating?
• Alphanista.com- Is Cyber Sex Cheating?

Apparently this is such hot topic that Meredith Vieira and a panel of experts discussed cyber relationships and cheating on the Today Show. So, how do the opinions of her experts compare to the opinions of our video bloggers? Well, you’ll have to watch the following video to find out.