George Clooney’s Got A New Girlfriend, So Hooray For That

Are you a girl who suffers from a counterfactual over-estimation of your own physical attractiveness? You are?

Then you’d better sit down. George Clooney is taken. Yes, again. Yesterday at the Venice Film Festival, George Clooney turned up to the premiere of his new movie with Elisabetta Canalis, his new Italian girlfriend. In a speedboat. Which, to be fair, is about as George Clooney as you can get. Unless he was mixing a cocktail and smugly chortling about how brilliant it is to be him at the same time. Which he probably was.

Anyway, Elisabetta Canalis. Don’t bother memorising it.

You might not realise this, but today is a special day. No, not because it’s the ninth day of the ninth month of the ninth year of the millennium, or because all the Beatles albums are being re-released, but because today we all woke up to a world containing one more woman who Lisa Snowdon probably doesn’t like very much. That’s right – she’s got new competition for her role as the woman who can bang on about once being George Clooney’s girlfriend the most tediously.

And that competition comes in the form of Elisabetta Canalis, who we believe was statistically the only woman left on Earth who hadn’t already been romantically involved with George Clooney in one way or another. George and Elisabetta – who is a model or an actress or a TV presenter or something – were spotted yesterday attending the Venice Film Festival together, as CNN reports:

The day before the premiere of his movie, “Men Who Stare at Goats,” the couple — who landed at Venice’s Lido Nicelli Airfield Monday evening — made a grand arrival at the Venice Film Festival following a water taxi ride across the city’s lagoon, prompting Italian papers to gush over the pair as the next Brad and Angelina.

Now, we’re no experts here, but there’s a pretty good chance that Elisabetta Canalis is going to be in for the long haul. After all, George went to the festival bandaged up after getting caught in a car mishap. And that’s definitely a good thing, because usually it’s his girlfriends that he tries to bugger up in traffic accidents. And if, like with his last relationship, George Clooney starts receiving barmy anonymous voicemails ordering him to “dump that bitch” then at least they’ll be in Italian and therefore quite nice to listen to.

So welcome to the club, Elisabetta. May you enjoy your three weeks of international fame and not be too disheartened when – after you order him to propose to you – he blanches and instantly leaves you for the first vaguely decent-looking waitress he claps eyes on, leaving the rest of the world to mispronounce your name as much as it did before you started going out with him.

Still, at least you’ve probably narked off Lisa Snowdon. That’s something.

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