Famous Latinos We Wish Would Come Out

Good news, gay Latinos. In their Latino In America special report, CNN says you’ve arrived! But they make a good point, Perez Hilton, of all people, is the first openly gay, Latino celebrity in America. We didn’t want to believe it, but then we started looking for another. You know, someone who is actually known by a vast majority of people who admits to being gay? And it turns out that, although there are quite a few Latino celebs we just know are gay, none of them will come out. (Then there are the ones we cold give a shit about like Christian Chavez from RBD, who can’t stay in.) So, we decided to compile a list of the celebrities we wish would just say, “I’m here, I’m queer and I eat rice & beans.”

Ricky Martin

Ricky Martin is the most hair-pullingly obvious of the bunch. The man is single and has two babies conceived with a surrogate. Who does that? No straight man. The rumors are persistent, yet he remains the most popular Latino in American history. (We just made that up, but we bet it’s true.) If Ricky Martin came out, it would put gay Latinos on the map.

Michelle Rodriguez

We would be sincerely disappointed if Michelle Rodriguez suddenly showed up to a red carpet event with a man on her arm. Unless it was her gay best friend because then she could still ask him how his dick sucking is going. Michelle is a great actress, she’s beautiful and she’s batshit crazy. What lesbian community wouldn’t want her for their own?

The kid from Ugly Betty, Mark Indelicato

If this kid ain’t gay, give him the Emmy now. He should just come out because he would have like a million boyfriends.

Walter Mercado

The legendary Spanish-language astrologer/Liberace clone has spent his entire career helping others. Does anyone think their abuela would stop listening to him if he admitted he likes pool boys? Do it, Walter. Kiss a dude on TV. Let something ascend in Uranus.

Penelope Cruz

We don’t actually know if Penelope Cruz is gay, but anyone who dated Tom Cruise is automatically suspect. (Did you know Kelly McGillis came out? Even people who date Cruise in movies are suspect.) Penelope might be the #1 A-lister in Hollywood who speaks Spanish. If she came out, she’d throw Lesbian latinas some serious media cred.

Juan Gabriel

This old queen is another one for whom the entirety of Mexico just looks the other way. Macho men in cowboy hats go to his shows, call him a fag and then cry during his songs. No one would care, Juan Gabriel, if you just admitted it. Except the gays, who would love you for it.

Miguel Bosé

We’re not sure if Panamanian-born singer Miguel Bosé is a David Bowie/gay-for-pay type or strictly dickly, but considering no Iman’s have emerged since he claimed he was bisexual, we’re going to go with the latter. We’d love for him to come out fully and represent the cosmopolitan, mature gay Latino man.

Alejandro Fernandez

Metrosexual charro Alejandro Fernandez was recently photographed making out with beauty queen Ayari Anaya, but it was a little to public for our tastes. And it did little to erase the memory of this album cover featuring Alejandro as a shirtless cowboy entitled, Piel De Niña. (Skin Of A Girl.) How very Oz. If he came out, he could be the first openly gay, singing charro. That would knock Mexico on its ass.

Cristiano Ronaldo

If we went to a psychologist and described a mama’s boy who’s obsessed with personal grooming and sleeps with, but then discards dozens and dozens of beautiful women like yesterday’s trash, that psychologist would likely say we’ve got a repressed homosexual on our hands. If Cristiano Ronaldo, arguably the greatest soccer player in the world (and the prettiest), came out, no sports team could fire him. He’s too good. And gay, Latino jocks, (besides women golfers), would suddenly have an amazing avenue open to them.

Pee Wee

Oh come on, Pee Wee. If you’re not gay, you’re career is just going to wither up and die. But to be the first gay, Tejano/telenovela/pop star would be something amazing.